if it meant to stay, let it be.

If only there were a sun at night, we will never have to go into the darkness. The flowers won’t ever sleep and all they will ever do is to dance all day and all night long. The bees wouldn’t be so scared of the human beings, they will smile at us and say its okay. The sharks and the butterflies will finally kiss in one of those sunbeams. We won’t have a reason to frown.

You know, I used to stumble, wobble and complain. I pounded, cried and gave in. The sky is still blue whether the problems come and go. The ground didn’t become harder but I did. Its like I don’t break down like I used to. I used to cry myself to sleep every single night. I was once lost. Now, I realized I was never lost. Only I made myself feel like I’m lost. I didn’t realize that only me and myself allowed it to happen. The point is, that girl who does that isn’t me anymore. I grew and changed. Dude, I’m ready to fly.

Sure, many of my dreams has died away. It doesn’t mean I can’t stop creating dreams. No matter how many doors that was slammed into my face, I kept finding doors to open. There are always a way out if I’m trapped. I’m
grateful for the opportunities to live. To live is to make choices. I’m old enough to choose which path to pick, which attitude to use, which words to say, etc.

I’ve done wandering a several thousand miles. There were a lot of road constructions, I had to make some pit stops and I went out for some exploring to create new paths when I can’t keep going on a certain road. Yeah, I repeated a grade. Yes, I didn’t graduate. Yes, I changed the idea of what kind of life I want to live in. Yeah, I have several problems that need to be taken care of. Yeah, some demons had tried to stop me from going. Sure, I have some obstacles that might block my childhood dreams, but it doesn’t mean its the end of the world. I don’t care if I disappoint you or myself but I hope you will truly understand why I’m doing this. I hope you will understand that I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make me happy. Even if I have to find a different path instead of the ones you think I’ll be in. Even if I have to stay in the hospital in the same room with someone who’s dying just to get a treatment. Anything to make me feel better. Anything to make the sickness inside of me to go away. To do this, is to stay happy.

I know I grew up wanting to attend Gallaudet University and to play ball for them. I know I always wanted that. With the monster living inside of me, I can’t. If I ignore this monster, it will grow bigger and I can no longer do many things I want to do. To play ball isn’t forever even though later on, I’ll be strong enough to play again, even if it’s short lived. And also, to attend Gallaudet, I’m not throwing this dream away yet. I’m still hoping to attend and experience Gallaudet when I can. Right now is not the best time. I have debt to pay for. But then, I know there will be a day when you cheer me on while there are fireworks exploding inside of my head. With whatever I’m going to do, I will make you proud.

I’ve got to remember that it’s never too late. There will always be another time until my time is done here. I know someone who finally decided to chase their dreams when they’re 55. She said she took so many detours in life. The problems kept coming up. And she wanted to do other things too. Overall, she is happy. I think being happy is by far the most important thing in life. I mean, why force yourself to do things that you don’t want to do now? Whatever you do in life, its okay to be happy. To live the way you want to live is not wrong. Nothing is wrong unless if you do it criminally.

As of for the problems in my life, I’m done feeling sorry for myself. I’m ready to be more optimistic than I usually am. I’m ready to surprise everyone like I always do. I’m going to shock and awe them. If my life takes to have more problems, let it come. Even if I can’t conquer some of it, I’ll learn and make the best out of it. For it to come, it will go by. If it meant to stay, let it be. I’m no longer afraid of anything. Everything happens for a reason.

Life; Bring it on.