where were you, dad?

Hey dad. Hey dad.
I said, hey dad!
Look at me, dad.
Turn off the television
And listen to me.
Are you listening to
What I have to say right now?
Did I ever make you proud?
Am I even a jewel to you?
Well, dad, I don’t think I am now.
I know for the fact that I never was.
You knew our relationship
Got broken away
When I was just a little girl
And yet, you always hoped for
A forgiveness from me.
And guess what, dad?
I forgave you a thousand times.
You never cease to mess it up
Over and over again.
The mirror you’ve created for me
When I was a little girl
You broke it all
And I’ve been trying to
Bring it all back together
Just because I wanted to be
Like every other girls
Who is a daddy’s girl
That loves them back
That shows them the way
That protects them
That cares so much for them
But you are not him
And I will never be that girl
And I should stop fixing
That stupid broken mirror
While I was growing up
You’re just an old man
Who comes home being angry
To play the video games
And to hurt us
Until you fall asleep.
While I was growing up
You’ve never been to
My basketball games
Or any awards ceremonies
And when my friends asked me
Where is your dad?
And I had to say,
He is at home,
Playing the video games
And come to my mind
You was never there for me
When I was sick in the hospital,
When I brought home a boyfriend,
When I get in trouble in school,
When I get a nightmare,
When I need someone to run to,
When I needed a hug
And someone to tell me that
Everything will get better,
Where were you, dad?
Better off, you’re just an old man
Who was never around.
And it takes a real man to be a daddy
And you’re just a father to me.
It took me twenty years
To realize that, father.
Yes, I just called you father
Instead of dad.
I hope this hurts you as much
As you’ve hurt me
Throughout my life, father.

By: Ruthe-Ellen Auman